Friday: My(not so)Excellent Adventure


This past weekend was quite the weekend. A weekend like none other, at least I thought it was, didn’t start out good at all. Let us get started then.

Friday morning 6:50am: I awake early. At least early from someone who hasn’t had to be up at 6:50 in the morning since high school. The reason I awoke so early was simple, my woman was to arrive at dinner. Fast forward some 5 and a half hours later and all of my plans are out the windah!

I went to pick up the beautiful lady with my Mother. (I seriously don’t know why I haven’t gotten a license already?) Then I realized I not only nothing to say, but I had hardly even prepared, it was like my high school exams all over again. Stay in school and study kids! (or drop if you can find another way).

I arrived at her door not too long after 4. I grabbed her suitcase (it’s quite a lovely case really, vintage) she got in the car and the only thing we could talk about was how ricockulous the song Le Freak was (not a real word but great none the less). It is after all a scientific fact that disco has always and will always suck.

We stopped for Chinese (let’s face it Canadian). There was no Chinese in sight, (people or food). Surely a sign of things to come, like I always say when there’s no Chinese, shit’s about to get sour. And shit was about to do just that…

When we got to my castle… okay so it’s not a castle, but it still ain’t bad!  We headed in the door and we were greeted by my Brother Ryan. We had a decent conversation and headed downstairs. Now here is where it gets really bad.

My house was not clean, somehow I overlooked it. I don’t know if it was because I was excited and tired or because I was being a total douche. I don’t feel like a douche bag now, but I sure did then. I went into desperation mode and dug deep into my back pocket for the rescue plan, and totally failed. My genius plan was to leave my sad girlfriend alone for an hour (colossal misstep) while I went out and rented Dinner for Schmucks. How romantic. I did run back however, and made myself a sweaty mess of myself, so I do think I deserve a smidgen of credit for that.

I showered and we popped in the movie in what was the most awkward movie related moment since the rape scene in Last House on the Left (Shitty movie).  After awhile we both laughed at the nutty, yet heartfelt movie enough to go to bed without me being guillotined in my sleep. I did make her feel a little better, but I still felt like a jerk off.

Good night.

To be continued….

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