God Is A Dinosaur + Holocaust Love Stories + Beards vs. Non-Beards + My Stand Up Homecoming

I’ve always said if there is a god she’s a fucked up looking dinosaur. I’d show you the image of god (there’s a picture) but I don’t feel like receiving death threats from extremist Christians and Rick Perry, after that whole  Muhammad cartoon debacle in Denmark you really can’t be too careful when it come to depicting religious figures, especially if humour is involved, apparently god doesn’t know how to laugh, well I’ve got news for you Jesus freaks, God is one funky Dino and he doesn’t give a fuck what you think. He’s pro choice by the way. Who knew?

You never really hear about Holocaust love stories, but let’s be honest, even starving to death and under the constant threat of murder sex is always a good idea. I’d like to think at at least a couple of couples got away, banged away in a log cabin like rabbits on methamphetamines and lived happily ever after with cute kids on a farm, but I’m an optimist.

You wouldn’t know it by looking at my face but I haven’t shaved since Halloween.  My slight deficiency of testosterone has stopped me from hunting, getting stupid drunk & beating on dudes who make brief eye contact and most of all it’s hindered my ability to be a lumberjack. The plight of the beardless man is not something you read a lot about, just like the Occupy movement it continues to be ignored and laughed at by the mainstream media, but also like the Occupy movement the raise of the non- beards is happening worldwide, or at least it is in my den. My point is FUCK BEARDS!

On an almost entirely unrelated note: I will be losing the beard attempt on Saturday night the 26th of November at 7 o’clock when I make my home town Stand Up Comedy debut. That’s right, you can see my smooth and very sexy shaven visage live and in person Downtown at The Studio @318 Front Street. Bring a nonperishable food item, poor people gotta eat too!

Random message to women:

You women are never happy with anything. “I met Jesus Christ at the club the other night, but he was kind of a douche, and he sneezed on me… fuck him!” Why can’t you dames be grateful for once…. I keed!

I’ll leave you with this because like the song says I just wanna give you the creeps! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1aVO3x8Abk




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