I’ve always had a way with words and as far back as I can remember I’ve had a strong opinion on nearly everything, not too mention how confrontational I can be, I was a comedian in the making long before I knew it. Let’s just put it this way, comedy wasn’t much a stretch for me, seeing me do stand up is kind of like seeing Lindsay Lohan making poor life choices, it just works. I like to get up on my soap box and tell the world how I feel, I’ve always wanted to be a comedian and I’ve just never dropped that dream. Some kids grew up with Star Wars or Harry Potter, me, I grew up listening to Uncle George, Mr. Dangerfield and Reverend Pryor, and tonight for only the second time in my career I am performing stand up comedy in front of an audience. I am Sean Carleton, and I am stand up comedian.
7:10 – 7:15pm: It’s only 20 minutes before showtime, tonight I will step on stage like many great, and not-so-great men have done in the past. I am following in the footsteps of men like Lenny Bruce, Bill Cosby & Mitch Hedberg, no pressure, right?
7:15 – 7:56pm: I’m at The Studio, sight of my imminent stand up gig getting warmed up, I purchase a brownie and a large raw honey lemon tea from Patricia at the counter, apparently it helps with the vocals, singers drink it. I’m not too worried right now, despite the fact that I only began to write my act yesterday, but thinking about it I’m certainly headed in that direction. We run a sound check and it all sounds good. Time to pace and Tweet about my nerves.
7:56 – 8:05pm: Just a few short minutes away from the show, the nerves start to kick in like a police horse on PCP, you know when it feels like you are about to completely evacuate your bowels? Well, I feel like that right now. My guts are in knots, I’m sweating like Tony Soprano in a crowded yoga studio and the crowd is so silent I almost mistook them for hiding concentration camp escapees. And it makes sense… no one is here yet!
Well after 8:00pm: The show is running late, this has to be the only stand up show in history where the entire crowd is late. I’m jumpy, I’m like a reactionary dictator with his hand on the lunch button. Right before I have a complete mental breakdown the crowd begins to file in. I cue up The Clash’s cover of Police & Thieves and I get ready to go on stage.
Showtime (8:30-9:05pm): The crowd is laughing and loosing up more and more as the show progresses. So far in the opening 10 minutes I’ve managed to make fun of the physically handicapped (Stephen Hawking), I’ve dragged both the Conservative & Liberal parties of Canada through the mud, I’ve mentioned both female and male genitalia at least handful of times each, I’ve compare our Prime Minister to a ruthless dictator and I’ve even incorporated blasphemy into my act to put the cherry on top of my offensive chocolate sundae, if this show were in Texas I would have been shot in the head by a grown man wearing assless chaps and a cowboy hat by now.
Surprisingly my joke about a woman eating drywall but passing on semen receives the loudest gut busting laughs of the night, and even my religion jokes are getting a decent amount of chuckles per line. My political jokes are falling mostly on deaf ears, apparently I’ve underestimated political apathy amongst young Canadians, how I loathe apathy. I rip the crowd for their lack of political and historical knowledge and it actually garners laughs. I can’t do anything wrong tonight!
Could I have done better, yes, slightly, but was the night a success, absolutely! We received many food donations for the Food Bank and everyone had a great time. Even my Leonard Cohen dick joke killed.
Later that night I walk home to the sounds of mid-eighties hardcore punk, I’m quite satisfied and already planning my next show. I can’t get enough of this stuff. Maybe next time I’ll see you at my show.
Keep on rocking, Canada!