Ten Fantasy Matches you’ve probably never thought of
Like WCW Uncensored ’98, only entertaining.
60 Minute Iron Man Debate: The Iron Sheik vs. Scott Steiner – Topics would include: Women, Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, B. Brian Blair, Foreign Policy, Math & Religion – Debate ends when Buff Bagwell interferes 15 minutes in. Steiner & Sheik get hot, huddle for 8 full minutes, they then both proceed to low blow Marcus Alexander Bagwell for the next 5 or 6 minutes.
Ken Doane vs. Eugene in a Spelling Bee – At first sight Eugene doesn’t have a chance in hell… But, if you’ve seen Ken Doane’s Twitter you would put all your money on Eugene in a heart beat.
Botchamania Hall Of Fame match: Sabu vs. Sin Cara vs. Sid vs. Zandig vs. A Japanese Table – Zandig passes raging in a botched pre-match promo. Sid breaks his ‘good leg’ coming off the top rope with the big boot. Sin Cara KOs himself with a botched tilt-a-whirl head-scissors. And Sabu is KO’d after trying to break the Japanese Table, several dozen times. Winner: Japanese Table
6. Money in the Bank Ladder Match for the All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet contract: Big Daddy V vs. Giant Haystacks vs. Bastion Booger vs. Happy Humphrey vs. Ryota Hama vs. Fat Matt Hardy vs. Fat Bastard from Austin Powers – Winner: The only in-shape man near the ring, outside official Charles Robinson.
Axl Rose (w/ Honky Tonk Man) vs. Slash (w/ The Roadie) in an Middle Aged & Crazy LA Riot match – More hair pulling than a Divas match, more screams than Kelly Kelly & more demands than Hogan, Hall & Nash combined. Bot men break down, embracing each other, as they go on to reform Guns ‘N Roses.
The Best of the Worst in a 30 Minute Promo-Off: Jumpin’ Jeff Farmer vs. Vickie Guerrero vs. Lex Luger vs. The Great Khali vs. Roderick Strong vs. Paul Roma vs. Jack Swagger – Steiner and Sheik come out again and put every contestant in the Camel Clutch/Steiner Recliner.
Doomsday Cage II: The Alliance To End Professional Wrestling: (Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash, Vince Russo, Brooke Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Nick Hogan, David Flair & Dixie Carter) vs. Team Wrestling (Daniel Bryan & CM Punk) – *Post match* the lights go out and come back on and Sting is in the cage. Sting slips on Hogan’s spray tan and breaks his hip. Show ends with the Sting and The Alliance all complaining of broken hips, torn quads and wrestlers bring too small.