What’s going on?

“Maybe he should have his head examined,” – Origin unknown

As a comedian and a writer, my mind is my most valuable tool. And I need it in tip-top shape at all times. But, sad to say, my mind has seen better days.

To put it simply, I’m not all there, and I’m not all right. I’m not sure how, and I fear why. As George Carlin used to say, “something is fucked up”.

I was never given a shot by society. Hurled into the special education system early on, I was hyperactive and my rebellious, the school board had no idea what to do with a kid who wouldn’t be tamed. I was more interested in cracking jokes and making noise during class than listening. Don’t get me wrong; I love to learn, they just weren’t teaching anything of valuable.

If the issue is none of the above, I have to face a cold hard fact: I’m not cut out for our so-called graduate, get a job, raise a family, and work ‘till you bite the dust lifestyle.

I have been able to write and come up with original material for a long time. The problem is, I can write like other people. I tried, I really did. But I could never do things any way but my own. It’s probably why I can’t so much as wash dishes under another’s orders. I need to do things my way, or not at all.

Sure, a problem with authority may explain my problem with not doing things the “conventional way”, but it doesn’t explain the occasional crippling writer’s block, sudden fits of depression (for seemingly no reason), and the loss of ability to write any new jokes.

Not to mention, I just dropped out. Oh, and I have also seemingly lost the ability to stay on top of chores, be healthy and accomplish simple tasks such as shaving, and socializing, no matter how much free time I am allotted.

It’s not as simple as getting motivated either. I’ve never been as motivated as I am right now. I have a brilliant, beautiful and loving partner I intend on spending the rest of my life with. I have a supportive family. And I have great friends.

I need help. I need to know what’s wrong, and I need to get past these invisible roadblocks.

It’s about time I had my head examined.

Sean Carleton

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