MONDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2013
Note: In reality, this should be called “two hundred” or something closer to that, but since this is my 100th official post on this specific WordPress page, I’m going with the catchier title.
Tomorrow, I turn 27. That’s TWENTY FUCKING SEVEN in case you missed it. I particularly feel older, my sex drive is healthier than ever, and I’m getting back in the gym. But, there is a down side, I’m single, I’m not getting laid and my high school awkwardness with strangers still hasn’t gone away.
While I do my fair share of making fun of people in the dating world, I’m not exactly a proficient mother fucker when it comes to winning the hearts and genitals of the fairer sex. I can hold my own between the sheets and I’m a romantic at heart, but I don’t think I give off that seductive vibe. I feel I am uncharacteristically put into a category with asexual gamers and ultra religious virgins, I actually enjoy fucking. Probably more than most kids 10 years younger than myself. While most would think my problems stem from being overweight and under-employed, you’re actually way off the mark. When I was a fit, dare I say twiggy fuck, I got no play at all. I was working out six days a week for what, so I could jerk off and look good doing it? I kid a lot, but if you look at my history, most women (and men) have found me bearable, but not attractive in any way. To be honest, I only ever had two real relationships, and both women came to me. I feel like a great talent is going to waste. A whole lot of unsatisfied women are going for college guys and girls, and they’re missing out on the fact that most of those people are more concerned with themselves and are too cocky to make the necessary improvements and adjustments in their game to send them to bed happy.
Anyway, I’m going to get into really good fucking shape (literally). And when I get to put my talent on display for the scouts, I’m going to knock it out of the park and get called to the major leagues, and you can bet your ass I’m going to make a lot of young women extraordinarily happy. I’m talking five to ten times a day, easily. I’m not playing around.
p.s. One hundred is also my ideal number of sexual partners, if I’m going to remain single for awhile.